Have you told your loved ones that you are trying to conceive? Don’t be surprised if you start hearing questions or comments that can feel a little annoying. Below, we listed some of the most frequent ones and some optional answers!
Well, did it take?
Comments like this may come a few weeks after you announce that you are trying to get pregnant and every week after that! Your answer can be anything from a kind “in progress” to a firm “we'll let you know when there's news."
Just relax!
This is a common (yet sometimes impossible) recommendation in all sorts of situations, including when trying to start or grow your family. Taking your vitamins and tracking your cycle can be stressful, not to mention feeling anxious before taking a pregnancy test. However, that amount of stress will not affect fertility [1].
Have you had a thorough check-up?
Don't let other people add to your worries. According to general practice, screening for fertility issues is indicated after a year of unsuccessful attempts if a woman is 35 or younger and after six months if she is under 35 [2]. The easiest way to put an end to this type of suggestion is to say: “My doctor hasn’t prescribed one yet.”
Maybe you need to try more!
“So you want to know how often we have sex?” Let your friend or family member be the one to feel awkward, not you!
Maybe it’s just not your time.
To which you can answer: “Well, nobody knows that, right?” It is difficult to give a more delicate answer because only you can decide whether it’s your time to become a parent, no one else. By the way, “your time” is a vague concept; there are as many unwanted pregnancies as wanted ones, and that is just part of life! [3]
You're still young, don’t worry, there’s plenty of time.
But the desire to become pregnant and have a baby is here and now, not in some distant future. In addition, fertility depends on many other things, not just age [4]. Your answer can be something like: “I know I am young, but that is what I want.”
I know how you feel. We haven't been able to conceive for two whole months!
Let's be honest, two months is not long at all! According to statistics, stress levels rise after about six months of trying [5]. But if a woman experienced a pregnancy loss in the past, then even one negative pregnancy test can hurt. So: “Thank you for sharing, but we are living different experiences.”
You know a child will change your life, right? (said in a scary voice).
That's why people have children! Your lifestyle will change, and you’ll feel tired and stressed sometimes, but you will also start one of the happiest and most rewarding journeys. That is the essence of parenthood [6].
If you can’t get pregnant, there is always IVF.
That’s like saying to someone with stomach pain not to worry because stomach cancer is curable! A polite response to a well-wisher can be: “Thanks for your concern, but I hope it won’t come to that.”
As soon as you stop trying, things will happen.
Comments like this can make a woman feel guilty and confused and can add to her stress. This type of unsolicited advice can be hurtful. A possible answer can be: “Thanks, I'm doing what needs to be done.” Proper nutrition, abstaining from alcohol, tracking ovulation, and similar recommendations are given for a reason. For example, having sex “on schedule” increases the probability of success by 2-10% in each cycle [7]. So “stop trying” is not reasonable advice at all!
