The decision to have a child is one of the biggest decisions you will ever make. When you are on the verge of a big change, it’s perfectly normal to have questions and fears.
Conscious planning can raise your stress levels. On a physiological level, this triggers the fight or flight mechanism. Stress hormones are released, blood pressure increases, and the heart rate increases. The body always reacts in this way to excitement, whether it is anxious or joyful. Animals in this state do not reproduce: in females, the level of estrogen decreases, sexual activity decreases [1]. In humans, this also happens [2]. Let’s talk about common fears.
What if I'm not ready to be a mother yet?
You are not alone. Most new mothers or those considering pregnancy feel this. The truth is you are never going to be 100% prepared. But it's really small things that matter: being loving and sensitive to your newborn. Most likely, you will be able to do this intuitively. What you do not know, you will gradually learn. As baby grows and develops, so will you [1].
What if something goes wrong during pregnancy?
It’s normal for a person to want to avoid risk and uncertain situations. But pregnancy is impossible to schedule by the minute: sometimes something does not go according to plan. There are also sad events: miscarriages, malformations, complications in childbirth.
But the truth is life is just as unpredictable as pregnancy. Every day unexpected joys and woes occur. We’ve learned to accept this uncertainty and live with it. It's the same with pregnancy. There are things we can't influence.
To calm your fears, learn as much as possible about pregnancy: what happens to a woman's body at different times, how the birth takes place. Specific information will help you understand the process, rather than worry about abstract unknowns [3].
What if pregnancy and motherhood makes me lose my sense of self?
Indeed, pregnancy and motherhood often force parents to give up things that are an important part of their lives. There is a change of roles, and this process can be painful [3]. But just because you are changing doesn’t mean you are losing your identity.
However, it’s important to understand what parts of your life you are losing, what they mean to you, and how you feel about the loss. It’s necessary to give space to yourself to recognize your emotions and grieve. Even if it's as banal as enjoying a quiet cup of coffee before work. At the same time, you do not have to lose everything. Some habits and rituals can be preserved, just think about how to adapt them to your new reality [3].
What if I get fat, and my partner and I don’t have sex anymore?
Without a doubt your body will change during pregnancy. This can raise a lot of mixed emotions around body image. This is completely normal. Don’t feel discouraged. Take the time to recognize the miracle of your body— it knows how to grow another human! And just because your body is different doesn’t mean you can’t still enjoy yourself [4]. Yes, during pregnancy, your sex life will likely change, but not because your partner doesn’t find you attractive. More often than not, it’s due to the physical discomfort of pregnancy. The bottom line: talk to your partner about how you are feeling both while planning to get pregnant [4].
