Intimacy after having a baby is a very personal thing. Some women feel ready to have sex a few weeks after giving birth [1], while others take up to a year to recover their previous rhythm. If you want to resume your sex life but are afraid to, here are a few things you should know.
When can I start having sex again?
Physically, the main indicator is lochia. As long as there is discharge, you are especially vulnerable to infections and susceptible to pain. Once you are clear of discharge, you need to focus on your general well-being, because sex is, of course, highly emotional.
Contrary to what some might think, a C-section does not greatly affect a woman’s readiness to renew sexual activity, her arousal, or her ability to achieve an orgasm. However, a tear or incision in the perineum can delay sex [2] because it can make penetration painful. A wound in that area that is in the process of healing can constitute a physical barrier to sex, but barriers can also be emotional and associated with fear.
On average, women resume sexual activity eight weeks after giving birth (most of them within six months [3]). However, only you can determine when you are ready to renew your sex life.
I didn't tear, but sex is still painful. Why?
Pain during postpartum sex is most often caused by a lack of natural vaginal lubrication due to a drop in estrogen levels. This can be more of an issue for breastfeeding mothers [2] but is easily resolved with the use of a lubricant. If you experience pain deep in the vagina or during orgasm, your internal organs may be inflamed. Be sure to talk to your doctor about it.
What type of lubricant is suitable for nursing mothers?
Water or silicone-based lubricants are your best option. If you are using condoms, keep in mind that lubricants that contain any type of oil can damage them and render them inefficient. Even though lubricants do not affect breastmilk, it’s best to avoid those that contain fragrance, flavorings, pain relievers, or so-called aphrodisiacs.
What if you want to have sex but are scared?
Like so many things, renewing intimacy after childbirth requires patience, so start gradually. Some couples start being intimate early on by engaging in oral sex or mutual masturbation while avoiding penetration [4]. These types of sexual encounters can provide mutual satisfaction and bring a couple closer together while facilitating the transition toward full intercourse. But again, you should only do what you and your partner are comfortable with and ready for.
I am embarrassed to have sex because I am leaking urine. What’s the solution?
Kegel exercises can be helpful if you are leaking urine, but further research needs to be done to understand their effectiveness [5, 6, 7]. Talk to your doctor about your treatment options.
This article was created in association with UNFPA, the United Nations sexual and reproductive health agency.
