Some mamas may hope for a girl; others may wish for a boy. It’s okay to feel like that, but remember that a child's gender is not an indicator of what kind of personality they will have or who they will become.
Ultrasounds during the second trimester can quite often show the sex of the baby, and it can be an exciting moment for parents. But perhaps you feel a bit disappointed when you get the news because you were hoping for a girl, but you are having a boy. Or the other way around.
Is it awful to be disappointed?
Not at all. Many pregnant women have had conflicting feelings when they find out the sex of their baby, and it is nothing to be ashamed of. The fact is that pregnancy and motherhood come with many dreams and expectations attached. The baby hasn’t even been born, and you already have so many thoughts about the birth, how they will grow up, and what they will play with. Some parents have unspoken dreams about what school they want their children to attend and which career path they will choose when they grow up [1].
In these fantasies, you inevitably envision a girl or a boy. Now that you know what you are having, it may not match your vision, and naturally, that can be slightly unsettling. You're not a bad mother, it’s just your psyche stumbling over reality. It’s time for a new outlook [1].
Why did I believe I was having a girl (or boy)?
Many pregnant women imagine they are having a girl simply because their bodies find it more familiar. Perhaps you transferred memories from your childhood to the baby, or you imagine them as a mini-version of yourself. Maybe you want to see your daughter as a future best friend. Some women dream of a baby girl simply because they struggle to see themselves raising a boy, with all the roughhousing and noise they will surely make. That may echo a challenging childhood relationship with a brother [1].
Or maybe you have a great relationship with your brother and are secretly wishing for a boy, or you may visualize a son as an extension of your father or husband and want him to inherit the traits you admire in them. Perhaps you can’t see yourself with a daughter because you have a difficult relationship with your mother or sister or because of issues that go back to your childhood [1].
All of these reasons are probably unconscious, so don’t give them too much importance.
Ok, so how do I embrace my baby’s gender?
First, don't feel bad for holding on to those fantasies. They can help you understand lingering feelings from your childhood, your relationships with people, or the goals you have for your life.
Second, remember that your imagination does not predict the future, and dreams are just a way to psychologically prepare for the unknown, for a new role [1].
Think about how you envisioned your ideal partner. Most likely, they did not turn out to be exactly how you expected. Your relationship could be better than you imagined but different than what you envisioned.
It’s the same with a baby. You know their gender, but you have yet to find out what kind of person they will be. Both boys and girls can love sports and art and be sensitive, creative, and funny. You will get to know your child as they grow up, and reality will be more amazing than anything you could have imagined.
