If you have a child in elementary school, get ready for their endless curiosity about your pregnancy. Kids aged 7-12 are full of questions and will likely ask you about pregnancy, childbirth and the baby everyday.
Take advantage of this natural curiosity: explain how the child grows and develops, explain how with the advent of the baby, everyday life will change.
Tell your kid(s) specifically about how everyday life will change
Talk about changes that will take place — use specific examples, avoiding abstract phrases, generalizations and metaphors. A child needs concrete examples to help them understand [1]. Describe how a baby needs to be breastfed , swaddled and sung to, and how the baby wakes up and cries at night. Explain that your son or daughter will now have to do some things on their own, such as making their own peanut butter sandwiches or making their bed in the morning, and sometimes you will ask for their help with the baby [2].
Try to explain all these new things without lectures. Explain how they are growing up and how growing up comes with rewards — like going to bed later, or hanging out at a friend’s house more often.
Do not be afraid that you are using personal rewards to motivate your child in their new role as big brother or sister. Psychologist Lawrence Kohlberg, in his theory of levels of moral development, shows that personal gain is the main driver of the behavior of most children. This is normal because it is a natural process for the development of thinking processes. Later, the child will develop other moral guidelines: the desire to comply with the norms adopted in his family and his immediate environment, the laws and rules of society, and then general human ethical principles [3].
Let your child talk about their fears and worries
Along with lively interest and curiosity, the appearance of a baby can provoke a variety of fears and worries in a child. This is normal. At this age, children are prone to emotional outbursts, and thoughts about a brother or sister can cause them both joy and delight as well as anxieties.
If you see that your child is depressed and upset, talk about it directly. Ask what is bothering them. Listen carefully. Children may feel jealous of the new family member, fear that mom and dad will love them less.
Take your child's concerns seriously. It may seem to you that these thoughts are not based on anything, but children are always looking for support and understanding. You can never repeat too often how much you love your child, and how much you value them, and that having a newborn will not diminish your feelings in any way.
You shouldn't say phrases like "This is nothing" or "Never mind." If you brush off your son or daughter’s personal experiences, they may stop being so honest with you. Instead, practice empathy — tell them that you understand and that their worries are natural.
Share the joy!
It is important that the new baby evokes positive experiences for your child. Emphasize in both words and deeds that the new baby will not change how much you love your older child(ren). Upon returning from the hospital, prepare gifts for the siblings from the newborn: toys, sweets or, for example, a t-shirt with the words "Big Brother" or "Big Sister" on it.
Celebrate new family members with a trip to your favorite café or toy store. When friends or relatives give gifts in honor of the birth of a baby, ask them to bring gifts for the older child as well - or give them yourself if the guests forgot.
When photographing a baby, include your older child as well. Give them the opportunity to pose with the newborn, and if they do not want to, take solo shots.
