Pregnancy can be difficult because of the anxieties that sit deep within us. Let's take a look at some of the most powerful sources of anxiety.
I'm not sure if I will be a good mother
There is not one definition of a good mother. That you are asking this question in the first place is a sign that you will take on your new role with care. If the picture you have in your head of a good mother is actually a perfect mother — perhaps the beautiful housewife who feeds her children home-made meals, puts her children to bed without any crying, gets a manicure, and in the evening is ready for passionate sex with her husband. Or perhaps you have the image of the business woman who combines childcare with career, self-development and yoga at dawn. Whatever image you hold of a “good mother,” you can toss them to the wayside.
Media, our social circles, even family can feed us these ideals. The one thing they all have in common is that they’re unrealistic [1].
In the 1950s, the British pediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott coined the term "good enough mother." From his point of view, no mother should strive to be the ideal mother, but rather all she needs to do is to have concern for her children and satisfy their needs, if possible, to the best of her ability. If you do this, you will be a good mother. Our world is imperfect — and so are you. It is enough to simply be there for the child [2].
I'm afraid that something will go wrong during pregnancy
Not all aspects of pregnancy can be controlled. This uncertainty can be troubling and this anxiety is perfectly normal [3]. Miscarriages and premature births can occur. Some babies are diagnosed with congenital defects. But no life is immune to the unexpected. You do not give up a new job, a vacation to a new country, or a simple car ride to the store just because something could go wrong.
It is impossible to control everything in our world, and mother’s have a special opportunity to accept this reality. If you go to your doctor regularly and follow their instructions, then the chances that everything will go well is very high. Worrying about things that are beyond our control doesn't help us. If you are having trouble letting go of these anxieties, talk to a trusted friend, partner, or therapist about them. You don’t need to carry these worries alone.
I'm scared to even think about childbirth
About 80% of women experience some degree of anxiety about giving birth, and 13% have such extreme anxiety about it that they postpone or even completely avoid becoming pregnant [4].
Fear can be caused by hearing traumatic stories. Perhaps you watched an overly naturalistic film about childbirth or your friend or acquaintance had a traumatic experience and the story stuck with you. Birth anxiety can be caused by past personal experience with complications during pregnancy [4]. Your individual predisposition to anxiety in any situation can also shape how you respond to getting pregnant [5].
You can overcome your fear. First, it’s important to consider that the vast majority of worries do not come true. Women have safely given birth for millennia. And modern medicine makes childbirth as safe and gentle as possible.
Often, anxiety is fueled by a lack of specific information. To find out what labor is actually like, talk to people about their experiences and take childbirth classes. Avoid TV shows with shocking childbirth stories. The truth is, they happen very rarely.
