A good book on parenting can be a new parent’s best friend. Consider these four suggestions to find out how to establish an emotional connection with your child, how to resolve difficult situations, and what to do when they act up.
1. The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did) by Philippa Perry.
What it’s about: Despite the catchy title, the book offers no groundbreaking discoveries. However, it is filled with the meaningful observations of a practicing psychotherapist who has advised parents for over twenty years. Philippa Perry encourages us to look at our children not as a project but as living people with feelings and thoughts. A child's behavior is not a problem that needs solving but a manifestation of their inner state that needs to be accepted and understood.
This is not another textbook on conflict resolution but an invitation to dialogue. The book includes exercises that help you understand why you experience certain feelings and where your typical reactions come from. You will also learn how to establish an emotional connection with your baby during pregnancy and how to put yourself in their place so you can understand their worries and fears.
Who will find it useful: According to the author, this book is "for parents who not only love their children but want to like them too."
Quote: “What really matters is being comfortable with your child, making them feel safe and that you want to be around them. The words we use are a small part of that; a bigger part is our warmth, our touch, our goodwill, and the respect we show them: respect for their feelings, their person, their opinions, and their interpretation of their world.”
2. Raising Human Beings: Creating a Collaborative Partnership with Your Child by Ross Greene.
What it’s about: Psychologist Ross Greene is convinced that children behave well when they can. If they are capricious, it is because their nervous system does not allow them to cope with the irritation they feel when realizing the world is not how they want it to be. Therefore, parents need to be a guide that can help them learn to cope with their emotions and offer solutions to problems.
Who will find it useful: It is a book for parents who need a recipe for understanding and interacting with their children. The author suggests a clear method for problem-solving with your children and analyzes typical conflict situations with specific examples.
Quote: "Most kids are able to meet most of the expectations that are placed upon them most of the time. But every kid struggles to meet expectations sometimes, some more than others. In other words, there are times when there is an incompatibility between your child’s characteristics and the demands and expectations that are being placed upon [them].”
3. The Whole Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture your Child’s Developing Mind by Daniel J. Siegel, MD and Tina Payne Bryson, PhD
What it’s about: In this New York Times Best Seller, the authors offer a revolutionary approach to child rearing with twelve key strategies that foster healthy brain development, leading to calmer, happier children. The authors explain, in simple terms, the new science that shows how a child’s brain is wired and how it matures. The “upstairs brain,” which makes decisions and balances emotions, is under construction until the mid-twenties. In young children, the right brain and its emotions tend to rule over the logic of the left brain.
Who will find it useful: This book is for the entire family. With kind, lighthearted commentary, the authors explain the latest in neuroscience and provide fresh ideas to help families raise happy, emotionally healthy children.
Quote: Too often, we forget that discipline really means to teach, not to punish. A disciple is a student, not a recipient of behavioral consequences.
4. Karl Brisch. “Attachment Theory and Raising Happy People”
What it’s about: About what children need most and how an emotional connection with their parents affects their future lives.
Who will find it useful and how: For mothers and fathers who are expecting their first child, this book will allow you to take off your rose-colored glasses and take a sober look at the process of raising a child. There will be both happy and emotionally difficult moments along this path. Karl Brisch describes in detail what the main needs of a child are and how parents can satisfy them without going crazy and maintaining peace in the family.
Quote: “Parents need to realize that when a child begins to behave badly, he is not doing it on purpose. The kid would like to tell his parents something like this: “Relieve me of responsibility and take it upon yourself, guide me when I cannot control my feelings. Help me get through these difficult feelings, support me, caress me, calm me down. Then I will be able to return to the game again, to explore the world around me.”
