Five concrete steps to make sure household chores don't drive you crazy.
Are you having trouble keeping up with household chores? That’s quite normal, as women spend 64% more time on household chores after having a baby than before [1].
Additionally, arguments over housework are a frequent source of tension in couples [2, 3]. You probably believe you do more chores than your partner. But they are likely to feel it is the other way around. Let’s try to understand what is going on.
An answer comes by way of an experiment conducted by psychologists Michael Ross and Fiore Sicoli [4]. They asked couples to estimate the share of their participation in household chores in percentages. It turned out that the sum of the percentages suggested by the partners exceeded 100 in most cases. That means that both partners overestimated their share of household chores. Probably because we tend to focus more on what we see [5]. In other words, you may not notice everything your partner does daily.
To fight less, and get more things done in your household, let's look at how you can distribute chores fairly.
Step 1: Make a to-do list
The quickest way to do this is by putting a piece of paper on the fridge or an accessible place, every time you or your partner do something around the house, write it down and include who usually does that particular chore.
Step 2: Cross out unnecessary tasks
When the list is ready, discuss the importance of each item with your partner [6]. Maybe some of them aren’t really necessary. For example, maybe neither of you is annoyed by an unmade bed on a Sunday or if the cabinets are dusted a little less often. Try to reduce the list as much as possible.
Step 3: Be specific
It should be clear to each of you what every item on the list implies. For example, if your partner takes over cleaning the bathroom, make sure they know that it entails wiping down the sink and tub, scrubbing the toilet, and cleaning the tiles and floor.
Step 4: Divide the chores
It will be easier for you to take on the chores you dislike least. For example, your partner may not hate doing the dishes as much as you do. If there are chores that you both want to avoid, then take turns doing them or hire someone to help out.
Step 5: Be flexible
Agree that each of you will choose the most convenient time for you to do your part of the chores. If your partner has a busy week at work, give them the option of putting a few things off. And whenever you have a day that’s busier than usual, don’t beat yourself up for missing a few chores, you will figure it all out with some patience, consistency, and teamwork.
