What should I do if my partner wants sex and I don't? How can I relax? Is it okay to masturbate? Let's figure it all out.
My partner wants sex, but I don't
Many expectant women find their sexual desire decreases, especially at the beginning of pregnancy [1]. If you suddenly don’t enjoy sex, you do not have to force yourself. A sensitive and caring partner will understand. You can try engaging in other intimate activities instead, like a massage or caresses without penetration. Masturbation can also be an option, which you can combine with lubricants and sex toys. Studies show that men find masturbation quite satisfying when sex is not an option [2].
We both want sex, but we're afraid
It is often difficult for couples who are expecting to enjoy sex because of worries about how it can affect the child [3, 4]. But you can rest assured that if you do not have a high-risk pregnancy, then sex (including oral) is safe [5].
If you find it hard to relax before engaging in sex, you can try clenching your fists and then relaxing them or moving your jaw from side to side until you yawn. These exercises relax the muscles and can help your mind to settle.
To create an atmosphere that is conducive to intimacy, you can play romantic music or engage in erotic conversations to ignite passion [6]. It’s also a good idea to experiment with the time of day; you may find it easier to become aroused in the morning or afternoon than before going to bed.
Neither of us wants sex
Lack of sex is nothing to worry about. Many pregnant women avoid it because of physical discomfort, mood swings, or fatigue. Up to a third of men also experience a decreased libido [4]. The good news is that intimacy is not just about sex, so don't forget about physical contact, and make sure to embrace, kiss, and hold hands more often.
I want sex, but my partner doesn't
Don't worry if your partner decides to forgo sex; it is not a reflection of their feelings for you. Many things can hinder a man’s sex drive, anything from fearing for your health, worrying about the future, and feeling uncertainty about their parenting skills. There is always the option of masturbation if you want to explore it as a safe option [7].
