It’s important to be aware that news of pregnancy can bring up uneasy feelings in some people. When your belly starts showing and it’s time to tell a wide range of friends and acquaintances about pregnancy, you may get a lot of different reactions. Probably, you have already been bombarded with congratulations and words of wisdom. But sometimes people react strangely to good news. Someone becomes colder, others try to avoid the topic of pregnancy. Some people may show aggression. When close friends react in a way that surprises you, remember it’s probably not about you.
Why do some people react negatively to the news of pregnancy?
A negative reaction is always a reflection of a person’s own worries and questions. For example, a friend who has no children and has no plans to have them, may unconsciously believe that your news means that you does not accept her lifestyle. In addition, she may worry that now that you are having a baby, you may no longer value or have time for her friendship. To cope with her concerns, she may begin to avoid you — consciously or unconsciously — right now [1].
Your news may also bring up painful feelings for couples who are unsuccessfully trying to conceive. This may bring up feelings of jealousy or they feel inferior and question why you got pregnant when they didn’t. Not all women — even those who are actively trying to conceive — will feel this way though, so it’s important not to presume that they will [1].
Similar emotions are experienced by women who have experienced miscarriage. This is grief that can linger for many years. Their happiness for your news may be laced with feelings of irritation, envy or even anger. On top of that, they may also feel ashamed of holding these negative emotions [1].
What should I do if my friend is acting strange?
It’s best to ask direct questions about your friend’s reaction. Having an honest and open conversation will help you clear up misunderstandings, settle conflict, and rekindle your friendship. Make it clear that you value your friendship very much and want it to continue [2].
It is also a good idea to do some self-reflection. Perhaps all you do is talk about your vomiting and stretch marks. Be sure to balance your pregnancy updates with an interest in what is happening in her life [2].
How to build relationships with friends for whom the topic of the child is painful?
If you know that one of your friends has experienced a miscarriage or has not yet been able to conceive, it may be better to tell them about pregnancy one-on-one. To show that you empathize with them, simple words are enough, for example, “I know you also really want to become a mom (or dad).”
