Chances are your baby-daddy has some deeply-rooted fears that he’s too embarrassed to say out loud. However, they are quite natural and common. Here are some tips for helping to understand his fears.
"This is an unbearable responsibility"
For some families, children mean a change in income levels which can lead to worry. Perhaps, right now, both you and your partner are providing financially for the family, but after the baby, you may choose to be a stay-at-home-mom — for a few months or a few years. This means that your partner may be adding more work, taking on a part-time job or shifting careers for more stable income. The transition to the role of father can be very emotional. Remember both you and your partner are going through major changes, but you are in this together — to support each other and love a new baby [1].
"I no longer belong to myself"
With the birth of a child, there is less time for hobbies, relaxation, and hanging out with friends. This is a fact to be accepted. If your partner is finding this change to be very upsetting, encourage him to acknowledge it right now.
Psychologists advise that frightening thoughts should be met head on — don’t ignore them. Encourage him to let it frighten, disturb and infuriate him. Let him express his emotions in an unrestrained way. Take a piece of paper and write down all the feelings that you are having now. Don’t analyze what you write, simply let it be a stream of thoughts [2]. Since this is a change that will affect both of you, you can do this together.
Strong emotions are understandable when a person loses an important part of his identity. But remember this is not forever: as the child gets older, both parents will have more freedom. In addition it’s important to remember that you are not just losing time for hobbies, but you are gaining the new joys and experiences given to you by parenthood.
"I hate the gynecologist's office"
For many men, female medicine is a different planet. A joint visit to a gynecologist can be shocking. The examination chair, the doctor, the general surroundings: everything seems strange and even ominous.
It may come as a surprise to your partner, but his feelings may not be so different than yours. Many women feel just as uncomfortable, awkward and even confused. Doctors, on the other hand, are there everyday and can be tactless. They may use medical vocabulary that seems completely inappropriate for a couple expecting a child.
What can you do about it? Together, discuss the details of the examinations with your partner in advance. Whenever possible, choose doctors who are friendly and make you feel at ease during the visit. And feel free to ask questions. The doctor is obliged to explain what she’s doing and why [1].
"I’m afraid something will happen to my partner or a child"
When thinking about the creation of new life, it is natural to think about death as well. Fears about death can be provoked by many different sources — from previous personal experience or stories you’ve read online or heard from friends.
The best thing to do is to talk about fears. Some people may feel that such a conversation may create unnecessary stress for the mama, but in reality both parents are probably feeling just as vulnerable and anxious. When we speak our thoughts, the burden becomes shared and easier to bear [1].
