Parenting a newborn is tough. Moments of wanting to escape can happen to any mother, and they often come with guilt.
But you're not a bad mom! Exhaustion takes a toll on you physically, emotionally, and mentally. Responsibilities feel never-ending, and it's overwhelming.
The physical strain of motherhood
It is common to overlook the obvious, but your body has undergone major changes. Fatigue, anxiety, and confusion are all natural responses. With the unavoidable lack of sleep, emotional outbursts, irritability, anger, and even despair can occur. None of this implies that you don't love your child. These experiences simply reflect the ongoing challenges your body is facing [1].
Building confidence within
New moms often struggle with self-doubt and the fear of not meeting the expectations of parenting. These expectations can come from various sources, such as what we see in movies, TV shows, and the people around us. However, it's important to remember that these influences from society are not always realistic or attainable.
Believe in yourself and know that your best efforts are enough. When things don't go as planned, take a moment to reflect on the positive aspects of your day. Acknowledge even the smallest accomplishments and give yourself credit [1]. You're doing a great job.
Trauma and its fallout
Babies have needs which they can’t verbalize, and crying to get your attention is how they survive. We have literally all been there!
When a baby is ignored and their needs are not met, they can grow up to withdraw from others. They can learn to dissociate, which is a psychological coping mechanism for dealing with stress [2]. For some new parents who experienced neglect as babies, the plaintive cries of their own baby can trigger deep, unconscious memories of pain. In such a state, it’s incredibly difficult to keep a cool head and tend to your baby’s needs.
If you think this may be you, it’s a good idea to consider working on this past pain with a therapist [2].
Finding empathy
If you’re having a hard time empathizing with your baby, try this exercise:
Lie down on the floor, and close your eyes if you want to. Imagine you are a newborn baby, totally helpless and unable to speak. Imagine that you are very hungry and thirsty. Get in a physically uncomfortable position and hold it, and imagine that you can’t change that position.
Imagine someone big and powerful coming towards you. She picks you up, repositions you more comfortably, and feeds you. You feel safe and at ease. Your anxiety subsides, and you feel calm [2].
Photo: shutterstock
