Pregnancy can be challenging for those used to active, busy lifestyles. With your growing baby bump and other bodily changes, the fatigue, tiredness, and difficulty moving around can lend themselves to making you more of a homebody.
If you’re already a homebody, no big deal! But if you’re a social butterfly or a member of many clubs and groups, or even if you like window shopping and movies with friends, you can start to feel frustrated with lifestyle changes you may not have anticipated. It’s a whole new rhythm.
I should be happier, right? What’s wrong with me?
Nothing is wrong with you! Some people (usually nosy ones) make you feel like the joys of motherhood should erase the sadness of change. You don’t need to downplay the loss you feel. If you have always gotten real joy out of attending events, parties, or pursuing active hobbies, why wouldn’t you feel sad and frustrated when pregnancy alters your ability to include those in your life? You do not need to be afraid of your feelings or belittle their importance.
Pregnancy prompts an internal process called role transition. You begin to adapt to the idea of being a parent, with all the responsibilities, opportunities, and limitations that come with the role. This transition can be painful because you become aware of the sacrifices you are making to become a mother. The internal stress can cause you to feel irritable, angry, or even despairing [1].
How do I come to terms with these changes?
It’s important to work through your feelings and anxieties rather than ignore them.
First, figure out exactly what is bothering you. It's not as easy as it sounds; you may feel “bad,” but “bad” is a very general concept that could include so many different specific feelings. It’s important to peel away at the “bad” feeling until you uncover the real heart of it. Do you feel scared, ashamed, lonely? Do you feel bogged down or trapped?
If you are still having trouble, talk to your partner or a friend who knows you really well. Our loved ones often hit the nail on the head. Another strategy is to journal; this is especially useful if you have a hard time talking about your feelings with another person [2].
Once you find the heart of your “bad” feelings, ask yourself what’s provoking them. How are pregnancy and motherhood changing your habits, rituals, and relationships with others? It’s pretty common for a mama-to-be to feel like she’s losing part of herself with all the life changes. Accept those difficult emotions. Cry it out. Yell it out. Punch a pillow, if it helps. Grieve each small loss, even if it’s just your Saturday morning coffee date with your friend across town. If it brings up feelings, it’s important to you and should be acknowledged [2].
Now you can start thinking about how you can still meet your social needs in different ways. Can you schedule video chats to keep up with your closest friends? Can you start a blog to express yourself and connect with other bloggers? Are there apps related to your favorite hobbies that could let you practice them in a different way? Get creative. And always remember to ask loved ones for ideas and support [2].
