It is natural to feel anxious about having to raise two children at once. But remember, we can learn anything!
How do you feed two babies at the same time? Will they be able to sleep well? How will I manage everything at home? How can I give attention to the two of them, so neither is deprived of care and comfort? The list of tasks seems impossibly long and may feel that your abilities are desperately lacking. "I won’t be able to do this," you say with concern.
You will get the hang of it
The anxious picture your brain is painting is based on expectations you hold in the present moment. But what you will feel and be capable of doing is unknown.
Right now, you may be questioning your abilities as a mother. But who can actually feel confident when hit with the news that they're having twins? It’s quite an unexpected event. When facing life-changing news such as this, people can have highly emotional reactions. But gradually, most people can adapt to their circumstances.
Imagine a child learning to ride a bicycle. No one expects them to do it well the first time. They start with a three-wheeler, then comes the bike with training wheels. And only when the child finds balance and feels confident, can they ride, take off the training wheels and happily ride their bike. Parenthood can be a little like that. No one can do everything perfectly in the beginning. During the first weeks of your baby’s life, days and nights will be a little chaotic. But sooner than later you will learn to manage it all [1].
How, exactly?
During the first few weeks, it's very important to synchronize to your babies’ rhythms. It will be much easier for you if their schedule is the same: when one sleeps, the other one sleeps too. It’s also a good idea to feed them at the same time. This will allow you to free up some time to do your chores, rest, and sleep. Things may be a little messy in the beginning, but you will come up with your own system, and more likely than not, it will be perfect for your family [1].
Should you listen to the advice of "experienced" mothers?
If their stories inspire you and give you strength, then you should listen to them. But if you find other people's advice unnerving, it’s better to avoid it [2]. When it comes time to find a babysitter for your twins, you'll figure out what works best for you.
I'm afraid I won't figure it out
In a real situation, when you have to act, any fears will disappear. You will simply move from one day to the next, facing challenges as they come.
I'm also afraid I won't be able to give enough love and care to two children
Your fears are understandable. When you have two babies in your arms, it is physically impossible to meet all of their needs. Even if you have the support of relatives, friends, or a nanny. So there might come a time when you feel that you just can’t cope [2].
Most likely, you're setting the bar too high for yourself. Perhaps you are afraid of being judged, so you criticize yourself, pre-empting the emotional blow.
Try looking at the situation differently. No one has the right to judge you as a mother. Many women have raised multiples successfully and happily. Your love is unending and there will be more than enough for everyone. You will have countless opportunities to show your children how much you love them as they grow up.
And, the truth is, newborns don't need all that much. A safe place to sleep, arms to hold them, regular feedings, and a dry, clean diaper. In the beginning, meeting these basic needs is more than enough. Remember not to demand too much of yourself [1].
