Pregnancy can make women feel psychologically vulnerable [1]. Even harmless questions and common jokes can be hurtful. Share this list of better-to-avoid phrases with your loved ones!
Was your baby planned?
The answer to this question may feel awkward no matter what. "Yes, we've been trying for a long time" or "Well… it was unexpected" may feel too intimate to share.
Can I touch your belly?
Touching someone's body is an intrusion into their personal space. Some women may be ok with someone touching their belly, and others may not.
You worry too much!
Pregnant women have a right to their particular feelings, just like everyone else. It is impossible to eliminate stress from your life for nine months, which means that frustration and anxiety may be inevitable. If you want to help a future mother in a difficult situation, offer to listen to her, take a walk together, or help her make an action plan to address the issue that is bothering her [2].
Are you sure you're not having twins?
Instead of a well-meaning joke, the future mommy hears: “Geez, your belly is huge!” Some pregnant women have difficulty accepting the changes to their bodies [3], and any comments about their appearance can be hurtful.
What are you having?
The answer is obvious: A baby. Whether to reveal the gender is a decision that pertains to the future parents and no one else, and they have the right to keep their feelings about the baby’s gender to themselves if they so desire.
Are you sure you can eat that?
Pregnant women have a pretty lengthy list of foods, drinks, activities, medications, sleeping, and sex positions they have to avoid, and they are probably well aware of all of them. Additional advice can make them feel judged or guilty.
Your belly is so tiny!
Some women may perceive this comment as a veiled question more in line with “Are you sure everything is okay with the baby?" The truth is that every pregnant woman’s belly is different, and its size depends on everything from body type to the number of previous pregnancies. Delayed fetal growth is diagnosed via parameters only a doctor can evaluate, such as fundal height and ultrasound data [4].
Oversharing your own birth story
One in 10 pregnant women experiences severe fear of childbirth (tocophobia), and three-quarters feel anxious about labor [5]. It goes without saying that every one of them would benefit from the support of loved ones, but their words and advice should be well thought out. Scary stories about your own childbirth experience (or someone else’s) are better left out of the conversation. So refrain from saying things like: “OMG, I wouldn’t wish my birth experience on anyone! Let me tell you what happened…”
Will you breastfeed?
It’s not very considerate to put a woman on the spot like that because no one knows how things will actually turn out. Breastfeeding success depends on many factors, and a woman's will and desires may not be enough. According to statistics, two-thirds of mothers prematurely terminate breastfeeding despite their best intentions [6].
Get some sleep now while you still can!
All children are different. Some sleep soundly in their crib from early on, while others wake up several times a night even at 12 months. Be kind and considerate when talking with your pregnant family member or friend. Your love and support are all she needs
