When a couple decides to have a baby, they enter a new phase of life. This can create nervous tension that results in conflict.
The decision to become parents is difficult for many. Most people say they want children, but within a couple, there may be different ideas about when is the right time. One partner may want children immediately, while the other wants to have some time alone as a couple or to focus on their career for a while.
Even when you find compromise, you experience doubts, self-doubt, and fears about the future. The partner who made the greater compromise might feel unappreciated or unheard. This is fertile ground for bickering and blow-ups. So often, the fights are not really about what they seem to be about.
What do we do about these constant arguments?
Is something eating away at you, making you irritable and prone to starting fights? Pay attention to that. Share with your partner what’s going on. And if you pick up on tension or worry in your partner, gently ask them about it. Don’t criticize or accuse them. Look at your concerns together. Many of them are not based on anything serious and can be dealt with calmly [1].
How will this help?
Conversation is a great way to release tension and blow off steam, especially when you and your partner feel understood, accepted, and supported [2]. Talking about your feelings is a skill and a muscle that must be strengthened. It will be incredibly useful during your pregnancy and when you are new parents; those are trying times, and getting used to honest and open conversation now will serve you well.
We’re on the same page about having a baby. Why are we still fighting?
The most common reason couples fight during pregnancy planning is prolonged attempts to conceive. When you have difficulty conceiving, it leads to irritation, self-doubt, and guilt. Fears creep up — what if it never happens? Sex becomes work instead of fun and an opportunity to bond.
And how long are those “prolonged attempts”?
Statistically, only one in four women aged 20 to 30 will become pregnant during her next cycle [3]. On average, most will conceive within a year of regular unprotected sex [4]. So keep communicating and listening! The mutual support you create now will be a lasting gift in your relationship.
