Pregnancy is a stressful time for a couple, so conflicts are inevitable. But there are proven ways to resolve them.
With worries come mutual nagging, re-sorting relationship roles, and sometimes raised voices. While this is not what most people expect when they learn they are pregnant, the reality is bickering during pregnancy is fairly common.
Quarrels arise because you are both stressed. Maybe you are worried about health, money, raising a child, or all those things at once! These feelings are normal and commonly experienced by pregnant women and their partners around the world [1].
Can quarrels harm a child?
In theory, yes. When you fight, stress hormones can be released, which partially reach the baby through the placenta [2]. In addition, over-stressing a mother can increase the sensitivity of the part of the baby's brain that is responsible for fear and anxiety. Therefore, in the future, the child may have difficulties with managing emotions [3].
But you don't need to sit in fear every time you have a fight or entertain an anxious thought. Life is stressful and all mothers experience stress during pregnancy without any negative consequences to the baby.
Get your emotions out — even if it means bickering. It is better to express your fears and worries than hold them inside [4].
Okay... but I’d like to quarrel less. What can I do?
Quarrels occur because you are both anxious or scared. Both partners may feel alone or abandoned as they allow themselves to be consumed by anxious thoughts. And often during a quarrel, you may think your feelings are clear and self-evident, while your partner may not know what is causing you anxiety.
Remember no one is a mind-reader. When you feel a quarrel approaching, ask questions and be transparent. In other words, tell your partner what is bothering you [5].
Talk more about your emotions, desires, plans for the future. If you want your husband to always be with you at the doctor's appointment, because you alone are afraid, tell him. If you are unhappy that he appears uninterested in arranging the nursery, explain that this is important to you.
At the same time, let your partner speak. Do not discount his feelings and refrain from criticism, even if they seem completely unfounded to you. This builds trust in a relationship, something that is all the more important during pregnancy [6].
Sometimes I don’t even act like myself when we quarrel
Indeed, pregnancy hormones can literally transform you into another person. You may find yourself shouting sarcastic insults and later feel ashamed of your words. It is important in these moments to take a deep breath and explain to your partner that you are feeling overwhelmed.
