After baby’s birth, irritability, anxiety, and low energy can affect mama. But did you know a new dad can also experience these common symptoms of postpartum depression?
Though it’s seldom diagnosed or even talked about, studies show that up to 26% of new fathers experience postpartum depression [1]. Symptoms can persist for up to five years, and symptom intensity can increase over time [2]. This is a serious problem, as depression impacts the relationship between dad and baby. Dad will smile less at baby, spend less time reading and playing with baby, and be more irritable with her crying and bad moods. In turn, baby’s emotional and cognitive development is negatively impacted [3].
What causes this depression?
Dads, like moms, experience a dramatic hormonal adjustment after the baby’s birth. Their levels of oxytocin and estrogen increase, while testosterone decreases. This leads them to feel more affectionate and caring, and less aggressive [3].
Unfortunately, this hormonal shift comes with side effects. Remember poor mom feeling those crazy mood swings a few months ago? It’s dad’s turn. Add the sleepless nights and the stress of living with a baby, and dads are apt to feel overwhelmed [4].
Are some dads more predisposed to postpartum depression?
Yes. It’s more common in young fathers (under 25 years of age) and in those who have previously suffered from anxiety disorders. Their risk increases with financial hardship, relationship tension, and when baby doesn’t sleep much or cries a lot [5].
In addition, postpartum depression is a family affliction. If mom suffers from postpartum depression, her partner has a higher chance of experiencing it too [6].
How can I tell if it’s really depression?
It may just look like “stress”, but a depressed parent will seem despondent, hopeless, constantly irritable, and may be plagued by worries and fears for the future. A depressed dad may have fits of rage or pick fights with his partner and other close family members and friends. Insomnia, headaches, and digestive issues are also common [5].
When it’s just “stress” or a bad day, this may last a little while and be alleviated by a good night’s sleep, a good workout, or a night out with good friends; but with depression, these don’t seem to help much at all, and we see the situation worsen over time [4].
What can I do if my partner seems depressed?
The first hurdle is helping your partner recognize the problem. Many dads brush it off and try to stay busy or distract themselves. They don’t often realize how badly they truly feel, how long they’ve been feeling that way, or how it’s affecting their lives and relationships. It’s difficult for many men to be vulnerable because of societal norms and stereotypes, and these depressive symptoms can be very isolating [4].
Asking general questions like “How are you feeling?” will likely get you nowhere. Try, “Are you worried about parenting?” or “Do you miss anything since the baby was born?” You can also be more direct: “Are you feeling scared?”, “Do you feel powerless?”, “Do you feel like you’re not yourself anymore?”
It’s wonderful if your partner wants to have this conversation with you. However, many depressed men don’t want to talk about it, so be prepared for this conversation to be difficult.
What do we do if the depression persists or worsens?
It’s best to contact a licensed therapist. Some therapists have experience specifically working with new parents, so that would be an ideal person to speak with. Your therapist will have various tools to treat the depression effectively and also refer you to a psychiatrist if necessary. With treatment, depression is manageable and can be cured so that you can enjoy your life as new parents.
